“You’re a girl. You should know how to cook.”

I heard some version of this quite often growing up. 😂

I was the third child in a family of six, and as a girl growing up in a Yoruba family, I was expected to be in the kitchen whenever my mum was cooking.

The problem?

I was stubborn. 😂

I wanted to be free. I wanted to do things my own way. And honestly, I wasn't interested in learning how to make basic dishes just because I was a girl.

Then I started coming of age and still couldn't cook much.

My mum would tease me:

“You’ll soon get married. How will you cope in your husband’s house?” 😂😂

At some point, I actually decided I wasn't getting married.

Because if marriage meant spending ten hours in the kitchen simply because I was a woman, I wanted no part of it. 😂

Funny enough, I have changed my mind about marriage.

Not because I suddenly decided I needed to “submit” or become someone's ideal wife.

I think I simply began to see the issue from a clearer lens.

My mum wasn't wrong that I needed to learn how to cook. Cooking is a life skill. Everyone should be able to take care of themselves and contribute to a home.

But I became uncomfortable with the idea that a girl's ability to cook should primarily be justified by her future role as a wife.

And that got me thinking.

What happens to girls who are taught, from childhood, that their greatest preparation should be for marriage?

What happens when a girl is taught how to cook, clean, serve and accommodate, but rarely asked:

“What do you want for yourself?”

Gender roles are not formed in adulthood. They are often introduced early, through the expectations placed on children at home, in school, in religious spaces and in society. UNICEF describes gender norms as shared expectations about how girls and boys should behave, and notes that these norms can shape the division of domestic work from childhood.

And this isn't an argument against culture, marriage, cooking or homemaking.

It is a question about choice.

Teach a girl to cook.

Teach a boy to cook too.

Teach children to clean, care for others, contribute to their homes and take responsibility for themselves.

But while we're preparing them for life, let's not forget to ask them what kind of life they want.

Because perhaps the goal shouldn't be to raise girls who are simply good wives.

Perhaps it should be to raise people who are capable, responsible and free to build meaningful lives—whatever those lives eventually look like.